Let's all wish Senator John McCain a happy 73rd birthday! We're less than three months away and we need to start planning the party.
Wait, this just in...he won't be turning 73 in August...we're getting confirmation now...he will be 71, not 73...but what the hell, bigger is better, right? Let's stick with 73! Plus, he's losing his mind anyway, so he won't be able to tell the difference. It seems that the doddering septuagenarian is forgetting how to spell even the simplest words, like flack.
Actually, from what I hear, Senator McCain is aging so quickly that when he was in Iraq he couldn't even tell the difference between his flack jacket and his Depends underwear!
Clearly America's crotchetiest grandfather is just getting crochetier and crochetier with age. (Find those words in Merriam-Webster, Batman.)
I think we owe it to him to throw a big birthday celebration in August when he turns 78 years old. (Wait, sorry, it's 71, not 78.)
Seriously, though, if by some miracle, some great gift to the Democratic party, the elderly McCain does get his party's nomination, we should all throw a huge 72nd birthday bash for him in August 2008.
We definitely can do better than his 68th birthday party at which America's media elites celebrated the life of His Holy Greatness, Senator John McCain.
Guests included NBC's Tom Brokaw and Tim Russert, ABC's Peter Jennings, Barbara Walters, Ted Koppel and George Stephanopoulos, CBS's Mike Wallace, Dan Rather and Bob Schieffer, CBS News President AndrewHeyward, ABC News chief David Westin, Time Warner CEO Richard Parsons, CNN's Judy Woodruff and Jeff Greenfield, MSNBC's Chris Matthews, CNBC's Gloria Borger, PBS's Charlie Rose -- pause here to exhale -- and U.S. News & World Report publisher Mort Zuckerman, Washington Post Chairman Don Graham, New York Times columnists William Safire and David Brooks, author Michael Lewis and USA Today columnist Walter Shapiro.
In the meantime, I'll leave you with this hilarious report from MSNBC on spelling-gate. Play the clip all the way to the end. Sweet vindication baby!
© Jed Lewison